Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
