What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
