I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
