and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
