if you like me you must not know who I am
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
