did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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