No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
