You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
