She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
