there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
operation harelip BJ is a go
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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