i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
