dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
