It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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