That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
