I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
