Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
