i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
