There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
