That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
