apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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