Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
