last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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