Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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