i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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