i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
