So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
