i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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