There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
