that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
