so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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