I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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