Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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