My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
