She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
