SEEEEXXX PLEASE
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
