Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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