Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
