I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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