Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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