we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
