Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
