u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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