apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
