apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I bet he comes in French.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
