Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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