He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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