Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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