don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
