she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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