I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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