Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
