I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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