oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
