I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
