If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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